Righting Wrongs & Wronging Writes….

on October 22, 2011 in poetry, rhyme, things that have fallen out of barbie's mind.... with 6 comments by

nite by candlelite.

The words fall from my pen
and yet they make no sense.
The syntax is a jumbled mess,
I’ve lost the present tense.

The rhymes are all approximate.
The images contrived.
I was a fool to ever let
my conscience be my guide.

The coffee stirs up memories
and dreams I’ve tucked away.
I know I seem quite unaware
of the distance I survey.

I’m really not oblivious.
I see all my mistakes.
All the many ways I’ve given,
all the miles which you take.

Immersed within my headphones,
music breathes inside my ears.
The ink’s the blood of nonsense
and stagnant, subtle fears.

So I gather up my notebooks
and my newly battered pen.
I’d like to say I’m finished,
but I never could begin.

written by barbie angell.
october 21st, 2011.

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6 comments

  1. posted on Oct 22, 2011 at 9:33 PM  |  

    Barbie: I’ve read this a few times, & it gets better each time I go thru it. Your best poems always suggest more than they tell, & I’d say this one does that well (a rhyming comment!); there is a clear sense of narrative below the surface, & seeing the glimpses when that narrative becomes more & less clear make the poem a delight. & of course you always handle the rhyme & meter so well!

    • Barbie Angell
      posted on Oct 22, 2011 at 9:38 PM  |  

      thank you. : ) yes, there are a lot of hidden meanings inside this piece….they are so woven inside of it that i don’t think more than one or two people could guess at even half of them. for a poem which claims to be so badly written, i’m rather proud of how it turned out. my first draft was yesterday and i changed one word back and forth 3 times today before settling on the second option.

      i’ve only read it aloud a few times, but i think this one will become a staple at my shows. i’m so happy you thoroughly enjoyed it, that means a great deal to me. : ) thank you again.

  2. posted on Oct 22, 2011 at 9:51 PM  |  

    Interesting about the hidden meanings–but the great thing is that as a reader, I don’t get the sense of hidden meanings per se, but instead of a narrative under the surface–not like I feel I need a key, in other words. I never feel I need that with your poems, & that is a good thing : )

    • Barbie Angell
      posted on Oct 23, 2011 at 8:38 AM  |  

      that’s good then. : ) there are usually whole stories to why i chose a certain word or phrase….but no one ever gets to hear them.
      : )

  3. Brett
    posted on Oct 24, 2011 at 6:34 PM  |  

    That was quite enjoyable to read out loud : ) The words certainly belied their hidden weight while rolling off the tongue.

    • Barbie Angell
      posted on Oct 24, 2011 at 7:07 PM  |  

      *curtsies* thank you. : ) while i was writing, i looked up and found myself surprised not to be sitting in front of the coffeehouse in normal. it was rather odd. i didn’t read it aloud until after it was finished, so i was surprised at how much i liked the way it sounded too.

      thanks again sweetie. : )

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