somewhere in the comfort of my mind
there is a face that i can never find
and though he’s closer than i’d ever think
his image isn’t clear unless i drink
and others think that they are on my brain
and revel in the ways that cause me pain
just so words are carved again upon my page….
as long as dedications bear their names.
i said that i would tell you
when you are in my pen.
and i always keep a promise
no matter what’s been said.
so this is all for you.
all that’s on my mind.
i had to write it down.
i had to take the time.
every single feeling
that i have had with you
is about to be revealed
and every word is true.
and every tiny thought
that has floated through my head
every moment spent with you
and every word you said.
all the little fantasies
that play while i’m asleep.
all the things i want to do.
the secrets that i keep.
all these things i’ll write down now
will all be yours to take.
but give me just a second please….
i need a little break.
living in the lie that you’ve come to know so well.
the web you’ve spun so carefully, your lovely piece of hell.
and the shadows on the walls, and the names you left behind,
line the shelves like paper on the bookcase of your mind.
bits of understanding float beyond your grasp
it’s their way of doling out the pieces of your past.
and mazes of misfortune flutter through your dreams
as you sleep your life away, snuggled deeply in your screams.
outside your world is cold, but your fear will keep you warm
and ignite the lonely promises, aged and smudged and torn.
and as you slowly fade away to the pain that gives you peace,
remember dear, you’ve lost your chance to ever be with me.
Wow, the last one in particular is potent. Good stuff.
….thanks. i found them while looking for writing from or about my friend who died. i hadn’t looked at that book in years. the last poem was about a boyfriend of mine who lied proficiently and was apparently on herion. i always liked the line “fade away to the pain that gives you peace.” glad they’re still liked after all these years. : )
That was the line that struck me as well, and I’m not just saying that, either. Good stuff lasts.
we’re talking about the line now, right, not the drugs? : ) ….thank you.
I either hadn’t paid enough attention to these or had missed these before. How long ago were they written? “hell” is really powerful; I like “bookcase of your mind” quite well–& “fade away to the pain that gives you peace” is both accurate & moving. I like “poem #51” & “your poem” too!
they were all written in 1998 i think. it’s about an abusive ex of mine. one of the reasons i left illinois. thanks for the compliments, i had to go back and read the pieces so i knew what you were talking about.