I think I’ve finally figured out why people send holiday cards with farm animals on them. While most may believe it’s a gesture toward the religious aspect of Christmas, I maintain it’s actually an unconscious nod to the underlying icon of the season. In each illustration there is one animal that is rarely left out of the picture….the donkey. This is not unintentional, and in my view, may not actually be homage to the biblical story of Mary & Joseph riding into Bethlehem. The real reason? Although relatively few people are aware….this is the season of the ass.
The ass is portrayed everywhere this time of year. Consumers are out on the roads running Yuletide errands and driving like assholes. Workers are getting drunk at company parties and grabbing any subordinate’s ass they can see through their eggnog infused haze. I see shoppers being a smartass to the girl behind the retail counter, being a lazy ass about taking care of their shipping priorities and a badass when they discover that their procrastination has left them bare-ass-up on options. All the while, the “girl behind the counter” is me, and I am running my ass off to help everyone who was apparently unaware that Christmas has been moved to the 25th of December this year. I’m getting my ass handed to me by customers who are unable to calculate ratios; one employee to each 10 people in line means that you will most likely have to wait. Of course, this wouldn’t be as bad as it is, if only I didn’t have six coworkers doing a half-ass job. If we had a couple more people putting their entire ass into their work, I probably wouldn’t be getting my ass kicked.
I’d wish you a “Very Happy Ass Season”….but really, don’t you think that would be asinine?