the season of the….

on December 16, 2010 in things that have fallen out of barbie's mind.... with 12 comments by

I think I’ve finally figured out why people send holiday cards with farm animals on them. While most may believe it’s a gesture toward the religious aspect of Christmas, I maintain it’s actually an unconscious nod to the underlying icon of the season. In each illustration there is one animal that is rarely left out of the picture….the donkey. This is not unintentional, and in my view, may not actually be homage to the biblical story of Mary & Joseph riding into Bethlehem. The real reason? Although relatively few people are aware….this is the season of the ass.

The ass is portrayed everywhere this time of year. Consumers are out on the roads running Yuletide errands and driving like assholes. Workers are getting drunk at company parties and grabbing any subordinate’s ass they can see through their eggnog infused haze. I see shoppers being a smartass to the girl behind the retail counter, being a lazy ass about taking care of their shipping priorities and a badass when they discover that their procrastination has left them bare-ass-up on options. All the while, the “girl behind the counter” is me, and I am running my ass off to help everyone who was apparently unaware that Christmas has been moved to the 25th of December this year. I’m getting my ass handed to me by customers who are unable to calculate ratios; one employee to each 10 people in line means that you will most likely have to wait. Of course, this wouldn’t be as bad as it is, if only I didn’t have six coworkers doing a half-ass job. If we had a couple more people putting their entire ass into their work, I probably wouldn’t be getting my ass kicked.

I’d wish you a “Very Happy Ass Season”….but really, don’t you think that would be asinine?



  1. posted on Dec 16, 2010 at 4:56 PM  |  

    Brava! All the bad behavior mixed with the pressure to be cheerful makes me want to hide from 01 Nov to 01 Jan!

    • posted on Dec 16, 2010 at 5:05 PM  |  

      no doubt. : ) i wish i could be in hiding too. unfortunately i need the extra money that this season brings my way. : ) i’m glad you liked the piece.

  2. posted on Dec 16, 2010 at 5:07 PM  |  

    yep. as usual it’s the assholes that ruin what could be a perfectly jolly time of getting merry and carousing….i mean “caroling”. : ) i’m happy to know i made you laugh, especially since you make me laugh so often. : ) thank you.

  3. posted on Dec 16, 2010 at 11:48 PM  |  

    As someone with an acute case of the Scrooges (brought on by increasingly obtuse holiday revelers), I can sympathize. At the same time, this is a season of thanksgiving, and I for one am thankful your coworkers did not show you their full asses. Happy holidays?

    • posted on Dec 17, 2010 at 11:32 PM  |  

      you’re right, i’m incredibly thankful for that as well. : ) a very, merry holiday to you too.

  4. Robert Hodge
    posted on Dec 18, 2010 at 3:26 PM  |  

    When did you become Mrs. Scrooge? At the same time, I must agree with what you wrote. I’ve had much the same axperience working in retail. Oh, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

    • posted on Dec 18, 2010 at 5:02 PM  |  

      when people started to get really mean for the holidays. : ) thank you & a happy christmas to you too.

  5. Dale
    posted on Dec 18, 2010 at 8:28 PM  |  

    ….. The ox and ass kept time pa-rum-pum-pum!

    • Dale
      posted on Dec 18, 2010 at 8:29 PM  |  


      • posted on Dec 19, 2010 at 12:50 AM  |  

        excellent! let me know when you have my post set to music and we’ll discuss marketing on mainstream radio stations. : )

  6. posted on Dec 15, 2011 at 1:23 PM  |  

    I never realized how many asses there are in xmass : )

    • Barbie Angell
      posted on Dec 15, 2011 at 1:26 PM  |  

      yep. it makes me ponder the spelling as well. : )

You must belogged in to post a comment.

My book "Roasting Questions" is now available to purchase!