I know I’ve been behind on updating my website, so allow me to catch you up on a few things…. read more →
I am a writer. No, seriously, I am. Just as having a camera doesn’t make someone a photographer, having a pen or a laptop does not make anyone a writer. Being a writer is an immeasurable amount of work. It requires an understanding of language, grammar, composition and having the organized yet creative brain to put all these ingredients together.
But perhaps my just saying that I’m a writer isn’t enough for the skeptic lurking inside your brain. Possibly my awards, published works or the crowds which I have performed for over the last two decades still aren’t going to convince you. Maybe, just maybe, even the money I’ve made isn’t enough to squash that tiny voice in your head which insists that a girl with a stupid name could never be a “writer”. Okay, I’ll give in to your inability to take my word for it. In the early 90s I didn’t believe that I should be called a writer either. My minuscule ego at the time presumed that I needed more awards to validate my title. That’s when David Foster Wallace came into my life. He assured me that not only was I a writer, but that I was already quite good. If you are unaware of exactly who David Foster Wallace is, then we probably shouldn’t have this conversation. You’re really not in a position to question whether or not I am a writer. I’m sorry, but it’s true.
Now that we have established that I am a writer, let’s move onto the topics up for discussion. Am I a “douche bag”? Glossing over the fact that douchebag is one word and not two, I’ll admit that I had to look up the technical function of this item. For those of you non-writers out there, to say someone is an intimate object is a metaphor. I know metaphors quite well, they are a staple in both my poetry and prose. I have even taught workshops on similes and metaphors. So, am I metaphorically a douchebag? One would think there is validity in this statement. It’s been used in conjunction with my name over 30 times on Twitter and is posted multiple times on a “blog” and the Facebook pages of that blog’s owner. Granted, one wouldn’t have to go far to reach the conclusion that over 100 tweets in 48 hours resembles more of a psychotic temper tantrum than a person stating facts, but the question has now been raised.
i love facebook. it is the narcissist’s best friend, if such a thing is possible. YOU, the account holder, have an entire page focused on YOU. what’s more, other people can post images and messages on that page. of course, these postings are all related to YOU. because it is all about YOU. YOU get wander around the home page and casually “overhear” all of the conversations that YOUR friends are having and then decide whether or not YOU would like to add YOUR comments to their discussion. it’s like an internet cocktail party with absolutely no social etiquitte required. why? because it’s all about YOU. once YOU are friends with someone on facebook, it is expected that YOU will then pilfer through their photos and info and their friends to decide what YOU may want to comment on and which friends YOU would like to have for YOUR very own. it’s all about YOU. then there is also the extra dose of just how focused facebook is on YOU; facebook will notify YOU every time someone comments on something YOU have commented on in the past. can it get any more about YOU? oh yes, it can. YOU also have a message box so that YOUR friends can write notes directly to YOU. there is a place to put YOUR photo albums, a section for YOUR favorite music or videos and a bio page for all of YOUR interests and “personal information”. YOU can get “flair”, badges, own a farm, have an apartment and even create YOUR own mafia. facebook is the virtual home away from home, living inside YOUR computer. and since it is inside YOUR computer, YOU can visit facebook any hour of the day or nite. YOU can go there while wearing an evening gown or nothing at all. YOUR virtual hair is always perfect as long as it’s that way in YOUR profile picture. it is all about YOU.
the thing that i like the most about facebook is that it is easy to find other people who share YOUR interests. i am a fan of kevin spacey, stephen fry, steve martin, nuno bettencourt and the t.v. show “house”. in fact, facebook is so good that i am also a fan of dorothy parker who has been dead for 50 years. now that is a good wireless connection. YOU can also find the not so common interests as well as the celebrity pages. YOU can be a fan of lint, taking naps, blowing bubbles, blinking and even banging YOUR head against the wall. no matter YOUR proclivities, YOU can find other people out there who are just as warped and bizarre as YOU are. and really, isn’t that what we all want? don’t we all want to be the star of the blockbuster film that is our life….and then make everyone come to the premiere?
facebook – our reason for existence is YOU.