Shit. I did it again.
There you were standing unobtrusively on the other side of the door. Seemingly harmless….offering up thoughts and ideas and witty satiricals on life, love and the things that parents do to their children. And I knew nothing would come about….I knew that as a point of fact. I knew that boys like you never have more than a moment’s interest in girls like me. Girls like me who’s only view of the vehicle of life is the road kill encrusted undercarriage as it runs me down again. And there I was, absently wishing that a boy like you, a boy with honesty and integrity floating in his eyes, that a boy like you would want to be with a girl like me….
And after hours of conversation and listening to you sing the lyrics of all that is you and the comfort of it wrapped around me like a homemade quilt and my thoughts had changed from wanting to be with a boy like you, to simply wanting you. And I resigned myself to the fact that it would never happen and I cursed myself for even daring to dream so high and I tried to bring myself to the realism of the world I knew and then it happened….you kissed me.
And I was caught up in the possibility once again that maybe something wonderful could happen to me. And I gave in to the fantasy that it was really happening now. And after we slept together and after you assured me that sex wasn’t all that you wanted from me and after you offered me the prestigious title of “friends who have sex” and after I declined and after I quit lying to myself about a boy like you ever wanting a girl like me….
After all of that I thought, “Shit.” Why did I open the door?
So how do you choose….
when you’re at the grocery store looking for the
perfect box of cereal?
Is it the one that’s the cheapest?
The one that has the least amount of fat?
Are you one of those people who are obsessed with
Constantly putting back that gallon of milk for one
with a later date on it?
One a little younger?
Do you go for the packaging?
Or are you the type that insists
that the package doesn’t really matter….
That it’s merely a coincidence that the outside is
“Beautiful” and that the inside is just as good as the
plain wrapped brand that you’ve been consuming for
the last five years.
Does it matter that the outside trappings are
deliberately that lovely because the inside has
absolutely no substance?
It’s a marketing scheme to fool you.
And when you finally realize all of that….
When you finally figure out all that has been done to you,
and that all of it worked,
will you feel a little stupid?
Will you feel just a tiny bit cheated?
Tell me, how do you choose the perfect box of cereal
when you’re at the grocery store?
Are you using the same methods that you use
to choose a girlfriend?
Well, I hate to be the one to tell you, but if you’re
paying for the flashy, trendy packaging,
you’ll find that it’s all you’re going to get.
So here I am again and my heart is in my pen
and I cannot see the forest for the ink.
And what’s a girl to do when her heart is split in two,
but settle herself down inside a drink?
Why aren’t men the way they seem
in my mind and in my dreams?
‘Cause reality is such a bitter joke.
And I really shouldn’t sit and sip away a fifth….
no, in addition I should cry and smoke.
You see, I’m just the food
that will get you in the mood,
and then you will decide on someone else.
Although you want a girl like me,
you fight your mind and all you need,
you choose a bitch and leave me lying on the shelf.
So please don’t ask me yet again
if we could still be friends,
so you can cry on me when you’re alone and hurt.
Because I’m tired of the games,
I think that men are quite insane….
or at the very least, the ones I know are jerks.
Fragile, Break With Care
Yes I have loved extremely well in life,
and I’ll be well-loved when I’m dead
but for now men leave quite a bitter taste
and such a ringing inside my head.
You know that I’ve cried a small river or two
and I’ve lived in the depths seldom seen.
And it hurts when I land after falling in love
as the credits roll past on the screen.
We all want to try to make it quite clear
that we heed the sweet voice in our minds.
As if anyone else could somehow understand
all the lives that we’ve left behind.
And everyone says that they’ll stay ‘till the dawn
And everyone cries when anyone leaves
and everyone lies when they wander on.
‘cause love is the currency everyone needs.
And now here I sit in the spite of myself
with my heart in a sling and my face in the past
and I search for an answer I couldn’t have missed
as I try to believe in the girl in the glass.
I scan through the sky and the leaves on the ground
trying to capture that one perfect word.
Though I’m sure that I know it’s already been found.
And it was a meal for some hungry bird.
In the end when my heartache is finally gone
sharing cabs with the lovers that left,
that’s when I’ll know that I owe them the most
a broken heart can inspire the best.